Beauty and the beast.

I am just wondering tonight. Looking at something that makes my mind running at full capacity.

BEAUTY

Hmmmm......

What is beauty?

Is it lies on something materialistic?

Physical?

Spiritual?

Or just another mask,

Covering everything and nothing.

While I am wondering, I do realise one thing. I love things the way they are. The first sight. Nothing more. Or less. Addition might be good, but you will lost yourself in the effort of improving something which is already yours.

Too less, and you will hide the truth, not being you, and the result will be the same. Lost in action.

And I also realise one thing. BEAUTY, when you reveal it everyday, everytime, you will lose it. It is some sort of secret weapon. The element of surprise is always important. Once your target knew the weapon, it will become useless.

So how am I going to define beauty?

BEAUTY is maybe something that no man can define.

But if you are beautiful to me, never worry about anything.

Because you will always be beautiful to me, in any given days or place.

J1 0807..... Sayonara

It is really sad to leave something that we love very much. Somehow, saying goodbye is excruciating. For the first time in 19 years of my life, I have someone who I can call friends. Never in my life I feel sad to leave my friends. I should say something to my friends, but i am really sucks when it come to saying something from my heart. You can ask me to give any speech, even in Japanese, but one thing I can never do is being honest about what I feel. So, I am going to write something to honor my friends.

When I am at primary and secondary schools, end of years is almost like nothing. I fight at the end of Standard 6, Form 3 and Form 5. Nice huh? Maybe because I have been stuck in Masjid Tanah so long, and knowing that I can see my friends anytime I want never bring the sadness to the last day. But this time it is different.

Maybe because I have grown up so much, and having Joneights with me strengthen the bond between us. Knowing that I will not been able to easily meet Joneight like my schoolmates change everything. All of us come from different parts in Malaysia. And seeing each other is not as easy as walking around Masjid Tanah anymore. It hurts. A lot.

I don't want to say goodbye anymore. I used to lost a lot of my friends. That's why I am really sad to end this relationship. For the first time I feel I am belonging to a place. For the first time someone honor me and say they miss me. Maybe some of you used to have friends saying they miss you or they care for you. Not me. Never once in my life someone other than my family honor me to this extent. I never had this kind of experience like others. My past somehow quite tough. That's why I am rarely share with anyone else about my feeling. I don't know how to do it. And I never have someone other than my family to share with.

For everything that has happened to me for the past one and half years, I am grateful for it. I am grateful for every single friends that I have now. They grew me up, inside and outside. Life is gonna be rough after this. Everyone will have their own path. I myself will never be sure when all of the Joneights can be together again. Even if we are, things will change right? Everybody will have their own lives. Things will never be the same again.

Know that Joneights presence are extremely important in my heart. You guys fill the gaps that have been left for years. When I first come to Taylor's, I think that it will all start over again. I will never make friends, or having someone close to me. You guys change that perception. Change me. And i will never ever been able to say thank you. You guys are not just a minor character for me. You are part of me.

Well, whether I like it or not, I will have to say goodbye. But there is one thing I believe when people say goodbye. They will meet again. And I am looking forward on that day. If it is destined that we shall never meet again, may we meet in the next world. I can't promise much to you guys, but there is one thing I can.

" I will always keep these memories in two places. One of course in my cerebral cortex. Where else can i keep it? The other one is close to my heart. So that every time I love and care for someone else in the future, I know it starts with you guys, Joneights."

Love, life and loose

Love, life and loose.
Interesting.
A common thought
"We are not destined for each other"
Is it true?
What is destiny then?

Destiny,
Is when you go and meet her in restaurant,
When you ask her out for a movie,
When you spent time with her in a tiring shopping tour,
And when you accompany her when she needs you.
Because destiny is actually
"A bridge that you built between you and the person you love"

Know that,
When I did not come to see you,
It is not because i don't love you,
But it is because i really love you.
When i did not call you,
Not because i never miss you,
But because i really miss you.

Given that on one ordinary day,
When you feel someone by yourside,
You turn around and notice no one is there,
Know that it is me,
Who will always love you,
From anywhere i will ever be.
Goodbye.

Unpredictable

Life is indeed unpredictable.
Used to ignore this phrase.
"Maybe just another crap from some philosopher"
And it proves me wrong.

I am a man of logic.
Never take a decision without calculated risk.
Though sometimes i do stupid things for fun.
Most of the time I can expect what will happened.
Or at least have a hunch about it.
People do make patterns.
Whether you realise it or not,
We are like books.
Easily predicted.

And last week i was shocked.
Got to a point where i expect to rot.
And fall down.
Night after night i am preparing for the judgement.
Know it is my fault.
Like always.

Then the result turn out the other end of the world.
Way than I ever predicted.
When i expect to be blamed,
Disgraced,
And dishonoured,
I get encouragement.
A warm smile.
And a piece of advices.

Why?
I don't know.
Speechless.
This is one of the few moments
Where i can't think a reason for it.
Maybe
Just maybe,
It is true.

LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE.

Let go....

To let go,
Is hardest part in life.
Maybe because,
We are afraid that,
The memory
Is the only thing we have,
The only thing we worth.
No matter how dark it is,
No matter how sorrow it is,
It is the only thing that we can remember,
About our very existance.

Maybe we are afraid,
If we ever let it go,
Then we will have nothing left.
After all,
That is the part that we cheerish the most.
Our pride.
Or maybe,
Just maybe...
We do accept things that happened,
And just need someone to talk to.

The truth sometimes hurts.
A lot.
But we still need to continue our lives right?
Though maybe that wounds will leave scars and marks,
They do grow us up.
In a sense.

Maybe if we never,
Endure the pain,
Or hurted so much,
Till we feel so numb,
We will never be who we are.
Or standing here right now.
Or learn something from the past.

I am here because of what i have been through.
And i am here because of you...


p/s If that particular 'person' read this entry, know that i owe her so much, more than she can ever imagine. Thank you for helping me to move on. And i am grateful for your presence in my life.

Wondering..........

It's weird though.
Today I am wondering........
Why things that is so easy to be done when we were children,
Become so hard right now.
Why do we can't do it the way,
We used to do it.
Why can't we even feel,
The way we used to feel?

Things do change a lot.
But sometimes,
The best condition,
Is when we don't know a lot of things.
So that we will never be prejudice.
Or making assumptions about somethings.

I want to hate.
But I can't.
I want to love like i used to.
But i can't.
Now i am clueless.
It feels so weird,
When you can't do things that you used to.

Bon Odori~

Finally!!!!!
I have been waiting for so long to go to this festival. Since i learn Japanese culture in Form1. Finally i made to this festival. I am so happy to be here, at the festival. I appreciate it more than anything else. Seriously. So so happy. I will remember this festival forever! And one more thing, i realised a few things during this festival:

1) Japanese are BEAUTIFUL. Seriously. When they were kimono or yukata, they look even more elegant and charming.

2) There are a lot of thing that i haven't explored in this world. Being in this festival make me realised how much that i didn't know about world.

Here are some pics!

This cute little girl is one of the first picture i take when i arrive. Her mom is a Japanese and can speak some English. She had a little sister, but the little sister is too scared to an outsider. So, i just shoot her picture.

These japanese girls i meet just outside a stall. 3 of them, and eating some Japanese noodle.

A typical Japanese family.

Colourful yukata!

Some of the dancers

It's her again~

And again~

Another dancer.

They are preparing for the ceremony....

Cute!

Smile!!

Peace!

This girl look so nice in that yukata.

This cute little girl follow her mother to dance around.

This picture is one of my favourite picture of all. I meet these little Japanese girls near the end of the ceremony. Both of them are walking around. I go to them and ask " Chotto ne,". And i took the first picture. It is distorted. Then I point up my finger, to take another shot. " Moichido," one of the girl whispered to her friend. Then after we finished, we bow to each other. It is just amazing how in this world language is not a big barrier.

Though we don't expertly know each other's languages, we can still live together.

I am really glad that i have the oppurtunity to go to these ceremony. In the future, i want to continue my study in Japanese culture to the highest level. And I really want to be in Japan, at least once. It is good to see all of these cultures alive despite the modern world. I really appreciate this conservative, local and old thing because without a culture, a nation will never have an identity.

Ja~

Mata ne!

Sayonara...